I saw this screamingly funny ad on The Chronicle of the Horse website. The name of the author is sales-fryzd and is linked to a Craigslist ad. I don’t suggest contacting the author, for now I shall call her Anonymous.
I have a used bright purple pony halter for sale. Adjustable and in fairly good condition.
A pony will be included with the halter. I currently call this pony “Juicy” although he goes by many other names as well, depending on my mood and his behavior.
This pony is just waiting to become someone’s little dream pony.
This 12.2 hand, 7 yr old pony is fantastic, if you are into the type of equine that is constantly invading your space/vehicle, etc.
He believes he needs to be everywhere you need to be, especially when food is present.
He is in great shape, if you consider round a shape.
He never met a horse trailer he didn’t like and climbs in them every chance he gets, whereupon he immediately puts his feet up on the manger so he can look out the window. He made it halfway in the back of my car the other day before I noticed and sped off.
He LOVES little kids, especially little kids with treats. He will eat them. (the kids, not the treats) Just kidding.
This pony has been worked over 2’6″ jumps and lunged over 3’3″ jumps. However, he likes jumping my 4 ft. pasture gates the best.
He could absolutely be someone (else’s) dream pony.
He’s very affectionate, both with people(especially women) and horses(especially mares). This little guy is the neighborhood gigolo. By affectionate, I mean he will have no issue invading your personal space/private parts, if you know what I mean. He sticks his nose wherever he wants. With mares, he is lucky he is quick because he will mount mares, even the ones who have “a headache.” He is not at all discriminating, although I’ve noticed he likes the fuller figured gals. His absolute favorite is mounting a mare while a woman is on the mare. Ask my friend Lisa, I’m sure she considered that a good time.
And when rejected? You can see that he is clearly thinking that the female is merely playing hard to get. This just makes him more determined.
This porky little guy very much thinks that he’s got what the ladies want, even if they don’t know it yet. He reminds me of the little guy at the bar who hits on everybody, whom you practically have to blow an air horn in his face to get rid of.
This pony has been on television, which probably adds to his ego trip.
He could be the perfect little dream pony(for someone else).
He walks/trots/canters/jumps, takes trips to the mailbox and to check the waters, goes trail riding, swims, poses on stripper poles(ask me), tests your trailer floor weight limits, tests your trailer emergency walk through doors, taste tests anything and everything, steals food from blind horses, tried to mount my dog(it is a big dog), stands tied patiently to the swing set while my son swings, loves to roll in the sand box, allows little kids to mount him from lawn chairs, buckets, swingsets, clubhouses, ladders, gates, side of the trailer and anywhere else, pulls little kids on sleds in the snow, tries to decapitate adults by running them under arena railings, and so much more.
Did I mention that he could be the perfect little dream pony(for someone else)?
“Juicy” is also a fantastic workout companion. I think I’ve lost at least 15 lbs since I’ve had him. I’ve never run so much in my life, either after him or from him. Though his little flabby butt cheeks closely resemble two pigs fighting under a blanket, he got me in wonderful shape.
I firmly believe he’s a dream pony (someone’s else’s dream, that is).
Call me if you want a used purple halter and are a glutton for punishment.