Up until recently, I’ve not had the wherewhital to own my own horse. It’s been years since I had my arab, Jordan put down. I kept him here, on my five acres. But then things got in the way…he had to be put down with Cushings, my then husband divorced me, I was in school at the time, and had only a part time low wage job. Meaning, I had little if any discretionary income. Horses were not in the equation, at least not for any length of time.
Fast forward several years, I’ve remarried (and am very happy with THIS husband), the house has been paid off, etc. And, for the last several years, my friend, Sue, shared her horse, Raven with me. I paid for supplements and did all the appointments while Sue went to work.
Then we had to have RAven put down, last August. Twisted intestine. And I fell ill, with an ailment I have only now, in the last month, begun to feel normal again.
Sue bought a new horse last month.
Now, with Raven, it was love at first sight..with both him and me. I mean it. The moment I met Raven, he insisted I was his mare, me and Sue, and Sue finally aquiesced. He was happiest when it was ‘just us three’. That’s how the partnership started up.
With Marty, Sue’s new horse, there is NOTHING. I mean, between him and me. He’s ..just another horse.
So sue hit me up the other day with a question…why don’t I buy a horse of my own?
Wellllllll, I can afford one, now.
But. I’ll be 66 in May. I fell off of Raven 1.5 years ago and was grateful that nothing was hurt, not even my pride. What hurt me was having to have him put down.
I don’t think I can handle the fear of colic. Laminitis. Or falling off. The first is the most concerning to me, I can’t handle the dread that comes when you show up at the barn and everyone is in the arena walking a sweating horse in pain. I’ve been told walking doesn’t help the horse at all, so I suppose it’s more to keep a colicking horse from rolling and twisting an intestine. Maybe it’s the same sort of task doctors used to give a worried husband (back in the days before women had babies in hospitals), that task being boiling water. What did it do? Well, maybe the doctor used it to wash his hands, but I think it was more to get husband out of the doctor’s hair by giving him something to do.
In other words, I fear the inevitable colic that would put a horse I’d come to love down.
Am I afraid of the emotional suffering? Yes. Part of my illness was due to stress finally overpowering my system. I can’t afford another go round.
So……I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants a horse. Part of me dreads it. Part of me fears and part of me says, I’m too old.
I don’t know what to decide.